i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
