We're facebook friends in real life
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
