Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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