It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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