I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
