We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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