1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
