he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
