If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize