the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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