I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
