a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
