Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
