Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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