So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
