you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
