May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
