I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
