There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Fuck appropriateness.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
