it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I understand Curling. That high.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
