Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize