Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
