Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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