Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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