I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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