u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
