You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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