I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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