Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
