this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
