so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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