In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
