Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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