I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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