Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
