I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
