he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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