I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
