he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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