yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
