It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
