whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
