i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize