How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
