yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
