I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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