i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
