Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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