your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
