I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is Oprah even human
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
