totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
