Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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