i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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