In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
