like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
