Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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