did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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