New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize