Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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