He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So vagazzling was a success
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
