I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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