Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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