I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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