I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
