I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
