McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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