You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
