Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
