Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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